Bullying is unfair and one-sided. It happens when someone keeps (or is always) hurting (one’s feelings or bodies), threatening, frightening, or leaving someone out on purpose. 

~ Committee for Children's Second Step SEL Program

It’s important that students understand the difference between bullying situations and conflict situations. Conflicts usually involve unfavorable or rude interactions between two or more parties that tell us there is a need for social and/or emotion management skill development, perhaps for both parties. Situations are dealt with on a case-by-case basis.

A conflict becomes a bullying situation when it exhibits most or all of the following three (3) criteria:

1. Demonstrate a power imbalance – When one is using their age, size, strength, and/or popularity to exert a negative power influence over another.

2. Are deliberate – When malicious intent is apparent and/or evident and has the potential to happen more than once. 

3. Are repetitive – Bully behaviors KEEP happening despite student and adult intervention.

Sometimes, ignoring these behaviors, using fair ways to play (sharing, trading, taking turns), or including them in fun activities will cause the person bullying to stop. But if they do not stop, students are encouraged to be an UPSTANDER and refuse the bullying if it happens to them or when they witness it happening to someone else. Here’s how to refuse bullying:

1. Get cool and calm (take slow deep breaths; count slowly; use positive self-talk).

2. Stand up proud (chin up, shoulders back; hands at your sides or on your hips – no pointing; feet shoulder width apart, and with your eyes looking straight into their eyes).

3. Use a just right voice (not too hot, not too cold, but in the middle – just right with respect).

4. Say, “That’s bullying and you need to stop.” (It's important to label the behavior as "Bullying.")

5. If that doesn’t work, say, “That’s bullying and you need to stop. If you don’t I will report it.”

6. (If you don’t feel comfortable telling them that you will report, report the bullying later when it is safe to do so).

Reporting is the best solution when the bullying happens when no one else is around or when there may be more than one bully. Sometimes, the bully or bullies may be older, stronger, or very popular and you may not feel comfortable refusing. If you don’t feel comfortable refusing the bullying, report the bullying to a responsible adult (teacher, parent/guardian, or youth counselor/worker). You should report if you are being bullied, if you see someone else being bullied, or if you’ve heard about someone else being bullied - even when you're unsure.

Ways to Report:

1. Refuse the bullying very loudly to get the attention of a nearby adult. (i.e. The Bully Blockers Club, by Teresa Bateman.

2. Tell a trusted adult, like your teacher, or any nearby adult right away.

3. Wait until after class to tell your teacher when no other students are around.

4. Write a note to a trusted adult, like your teachers, counselors, or principals.

5. Tell your parent/guardian and ask them to contact the school.